A.C. Brooke

A Warm Surprise

Alas, a new photo! Probably not as cool as I envisioned it in my head, but this was inspired by a pretty recent moment: I was working in my room late at night on Paper Birds this past weekend, and my mom came into my room unexpectedly and just started running her fingers through my hair (I had been sitting on the floor), and it took me by surprise. Having spent the last two years in therapy, I built up a relatively solid—though not fully matured—core, which they refer to in #InternalFamilySystems (IFS) as “Self”. But the last few weeks—I guess months, really—have entailed a lot of change so I’ve been trying to recenter myself. But anyway, back to that night, I was MORE surprised when that moment—my mom touching my hair—made me feel connected to that sense of Self, like powering up an old computer.

Save for a handful of people, usually my knee jerk reaction to touch is I feel myself tense up, like I’m bracing for something (I think this is called armoring in the context of therapy-speak, but I could be wrong). I don’t think it’s noticeable, but it happens, and I sort of feel like I’m an actor in those brief interactions. That small gesture and the way it made me feel was a reminder of how grounding connection is supposed to be. That’s what the red string represents—connection to other people.